A Tale of Woe

There have always been urban legends circulating about just how little Americans know about the rest of the world. I have heard stories of some South Africans telling American folk in the mid-west that we ride elephants to school and wear animal skins as clothes.
I guess when you live in the world's richest and most powerful nation who dominates everything from film (Hollywood) to finance (Wall Street) there is just no need to aknowledge life beyond the Atlantic. I have always been a little skeptical about just how ill-informed they were until I had this experience in a grocery store on Saturday morning.....

A Tale of Woe- by Kate Ashley Walters

a brief insght into the US-centricity of The American People

Characters: Kate Walters (playing herself)
                    Ricky Bobby (store attendant) with a real New Yaaker's drawl

Setting: Deli on 2nd Ave, Mid-town NYC, Saturday morning-roughly 10am.

Kate: Good morning, could you please show me where the jams are?

RB: Oh, the jelly. Yes ma'am that is right on aisle 1, over there.

Kate: Excellent, thank you.

RB:  I hope you don't mind my asking, but is that is real English accent you have there ma'am? Cause I love the sound of a real British English accent

Kate: No actually, I am a South African, but I live in London.

RB: (slightly confused look on his face) A South African huh? So that's French right?

Kate: well, I imagine that someone in South Africa speaks french, but it's not the main language. There are a number of native languages and our European languages are English and a dialect of Dutch.

RB: (silence- processing this information) Oh right...... well that's strange cause I had a friend who came from Africa and he said it were french over there. So it's not french in the South of Africa???

Kate: (now thinking uh-oh) Well he might have come from West Africa, say the Congo, they speak French over there.

RB: Oh right (more silence, more thinking) I saw one of 'em films about africa, "Hotel Rwanda" was that Southern Africa?

Kate: (with some irony in my voice now) Oh no, that was probably Rwanda.

RB: So what's it like anyway? Living in Africa?

Kate: Well, it's tough. 3rd world country, very little social security ( I am guessing he will understand this term) very high rates of unemployment......

RB: Well, I betya it aint as tough as living here in New York City. They say that if you can make it here, you can make it anywhere. (He starts humming Frank Sinatra's New New York and starts doing the can can) What's the name of that guy who sang this song, you know, New York New York?

Kate: Frank Sinatra. (moron!!)

RB: So what you doing in the big apple then?

Kate: Not much to be honest. My boyfriend has been transferred over here for a few months for work and I'm just hanging out with him.

RB: Oh cool. So is your boyfriend also English?

Kate: (wait a second- I just told you that I am south african!!!) No he is Australian.

RB: Wow- how far is it a plane from London to Australia.

Kate: Hmmmm... not too sure, like 23 hours or something.

RB: NO WAY!!! It must be tough trying to see your boyfriend

Kate: (OK- time to abort- this is  clearly an exercise in futility) Yip, real tough! (BIG SMILE) Sorry where did you say that jam was?

RB: Jelly, aisle 1 on the right.